I really love this little place out in internet space that belongs to me – my creation, my small piece of something big that I made.
I admit that writing is a bit of a love/hate relationship for me. I love the clearing that it makes in my mind when I dump out what swims around in there for days. I feel like I can let it go because I found a place to put it. I love the feeling, similar to putting pen to paper, of making a story that other people can experience. I love that you can go to these places with me if I write them well enough. I like what words can do when you put them all together.
But writing requires something difficult for me, at times. It forces me to crawl inside my own head and sit there for a while. Sometimes, when you go there, it’s tough to get back to bouncing a baby or talking with my son about what interests him. There are places inside that I have to hit that I do a nice job at hiding away most of the time. I’d like to say that I have nothing like that – no places that are sacred just to me – no dark corners. I can’t say that. They’re there and there’s no one in real life that I share them with. Not really. These are places that I sometimes don’t like much. I mean, I made them, didn’t I? I made them with my choices and my thoughts and my ponderings.
So, I come here to have these conversations with myself, and I make them public and invite anyone who happens along to participate as well. Sometimes I avoid the conversations. I leave for a while and go on with things in a very sunny way. And don’t get me wrong, there are lots of sunny things in my world. Lots of good to focus on. But, when I need to have tough conversations – the ones that I can’t look someone in the eyes to have, the ones that I’d feel the need to apologize for unloading on someone else when they’re done – I can always come here. And I like that.