Months have passed.  Some things have changed.  Some have stayed the same.

I have a new job.  In just a few weeks, I’ll be going back into the classroom full-time.  Though I am still filled with so much anxiety about making this huge step and change, I am also incredibly excited.  I remember that I was once a pretty awesome teacher.  Since then, I’ve had children and watched them grow, causing my heart for these young lives to grow by leaps and bounds.  I know this will only make my service to them that much better.  I haven’t been able to spend much time in my classroom (because let’s be honest – what would I really get done with my 2 monkeys there with me?!?!), but the day that I did spend there and the training classes that I’ve attended have reminded me of one thing that brings me a lot of comfort.  I feel so ALIVE when I am doing this.  A different kind of alive than I feel now.  Don’t get me wrong, I have loved my life and cherished the time I have had with my children.  Memories were made that are priceless to me.  But, I’ve always believed that this is a “calling” for me.  And I believe that when you’re locked into your calling in life, that sweet spot, that things just feel right.  Even though I really thought I’d never return to the classroom, I know now that this is again the right choice for this season in my life.  And I’m happy I made it.

This summer has been full of fun connections, too.  Blogging and social media have some up sides and some down sides.  One great up side is that it allows connections to be made that wouldn’t happen otherwise.  I’ve now got wonderful friends-again who have reached out when I was going through a tough time, when I needed a little encouragement and just to say “I think we should know each other again”.  I love that.  I love knowing that there are people all over this country and world who’ve got my back and I’ve got theirs.  Really, aren’t people the greatest miracle of all?

Evan at 9 months

Evan is the baby that makes other people want to have more babies.  Aside from being painfully cute, he has a smile for everyone.  His blue eyes are honest and look right through you.  His dimples make you think he’s up to something, which he usually is.  He’s incredibly curious about the world around him, a quality that I know will serve him well throughout his life.

He’s eager to walk.  I wondered if that would happen with a second child, seeing his older brother exploring and moving freely.  Within two weeks, he went from screaming his head off when he would topple over onto his stomach, to sitting himself up, to scooting across the floor, to crawling, to pulling himself up to stand, to taking steps with a little help on the balance front.  Yes, we’re revisiting the childproofing issue.  Thankfully, we never really got around to un-childproofing as Carter got older.

He got 2 teeth at 6 months, then went 3 months with no more.  Finally, as he crossed over the 9 month mark, two more appeared front and center.  Then, days later, two more beside those.  This is good, as baby food just isn’t cutting it for Mr. 96th Percentile.  He’s definitely interested in eating everything at this point, though he isn’t allowed a good bit of it yet.

Evan completes our family.  He makes me feel like a crazy person for ever having the thought that we shouldn’t have another child.  Carter is becoming more and more loving towards him.  I think he’s going to be an amazing big brother to Evan, teaching him all he knows.  For now, we’re trying to teach Carter the difference between admiration and imitation.  It’s only cute for babies to act like babies.  Big brothers have the important job of being a good example.

The Letter

I walked to the mailbox yesterday to find a letter from the law firm in Charleston that is handling our foreclosure.  Getting a letter from them is never a good thing.  This letter notified us that our request for foreclosure relief was one again denied.  This makes 4 times now.  Their reason for denial was incomplete paperwork.  Were we ever told that any of paperwork was incomplete?  Oh no.

There is a copy of the letter that they submitted last week to the Spartanburg County Clerk of Court.  We have 30 days from the date of the letter (5/16) to file a response.  Who the hell even knows what that means.  Jeff will be calling them this afternoon to give them a piece of “our response” about this whole process.  It’s a piece of total crap, that’s what it is.

I completely understand that it is fair and within their rights to foreclose on our home because we have not paid for it as we agreed.  But, the bottom line is that we had some hard months, got completely buried in back payments and could not catch back up.  We can afford to pay our monthly payment now, but we do not have $30,000.00 to give them on top of that.  With that part, we asked for help.  Our request was nothing would be forgiven, but that it would be tacked on to the end of our loan and brought back to current standing so that we could begin making progress on it again and, ultimately, get it OUT of foreclosure.  We’ve been requesting this for over a year and have made zero progress with our lender.  My husband is self-employed.  They go by our tax documents.  On paper, he makes next to nothing.

So here we are.  Less than 30 days from I don’t know what.  I think about it and I can’t help but cry.  I’ve spent hours and days preparing myself to handle what could ultimately be the worst news.  I’ve told myself that this is just a house.  It does not make my happiness.  It is not my joy.  It is not my strength.  But, when I walk these halls and look out these windows I know that home is so much more than a house.  It’s a beautiful piece of land that sits where I used to play as a child.  It’s where my children were born and have lived and come to love.  It’s family to the right and the back who are always there for us.  It was a dream in our heads that only existed on a piece of paper that we watched appear one brick and one board at a time.   It’s a place that we made perfect for our family.  And, it seems no matter how hard I try, I can’t think about it being taken from me without totally breaking apart.

It’s nice to say there’s always hope, but I’m not sure that’s true anymore.  At this point, we need a miracle.