I realize that there is this need to constantly comment on the size of a pregnant chick’s bump. I mean, it’s so OUT THERE and tough to overlook. And it grows, so that equals great small talk to so many people. But, I have to admit, it’s starting to get to me. I mentioned before this very annoying level of modesty that I have. And, add in a bit of not enjoying being the center of attention and there’s a bit of a problem. My bottom line is — if you’re a friend I welcome your hugs and friendly touches. Yes, even if they are belly ones. But, if you are a vague acquaintance at best, please don’t touch me. And PLEASE do not rub my stomach. So…the modesty thing is spilling over into the many conversations about my body.
As it turns out, I’ve only gained 7 lbs. at 30 weeks of pregnancy, so I’m not HUGELY pregnant. And, I’m extremely fortunate that I can still wear some normal clothes, which do even more to minimize the bump. The doctor’s aren’t worried. The baby is measuring right on time. I have to give some credit to myself. I’m very diligent with healthy eating and drinking when I’m not pregnant, so I’m even more so when I am. But, I have to admit that I’m starting to feel a little paranoid and way too body-image-conscious with comments like “Are you sure you’re pregnant?”, “You’re so small!”, “Gosh, you’re not big at all to be so far along.” I know, I know, I KNOW that everyone means those comments as compliments. But, it’s getting to me. I’m having this constant dialogue with myself to convince my own head that there’s nothing wrong with me or my baby. I have to tell myself that I’m ok, Evan’s ok and everything’s going to be ok in the end. I happen to think that I look VERY pregnant and anyone who says I don’t simply does not remember what I looked like before.
And then there’s the flip side. If I intentionally wear something that makes me look extra pregnant I get comments that are just the opposite: “You’re finally looking pregnant.” or “Now you’re looking big.” Sadly, those don’t help either. The thoughts that go along with that are: Am I retaining too much fluid? Am I overcompensating with my eating?
I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s me. It’s totally me and my crazy head. I’ll get over it and I’ll get through several dozen more “Bump Conversations” before week 40. But, I reserve the right to cringe a little inside about it and add it to the list of one more reason I’ll be glad to HAVE this baby and kiss pregnancy goodbye. At least then, everyone can begin to talk about him, which I will enjoy immensely. 🙂