What To Do?

Pine Path Glow

What do you do when you realize you aren’t nearly the person you thought you were?

I’m not meaning for that to be hypothetical, either.  I really don’t know what to do.

Over the 24 hours I have done 2 things that are eating me alive.  They were incredibly dishonest.  And the purpose of both was to cover my own mistakes.  The first was not a big deal.  The second was a very big deal that I would have gotten into a lot of trouble had I admitted what I had done.

But if I am who I say and I am and who I thought I was on the inside, I would have taken my punishment.  Instead, I saw a way out and I took the low road.

Now there’s no punishment from anyone else, but I don’t like myself and I have to live with me.

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4 responses to “What To Do?

  • littlemissbuffett

    The first step is to forgive yourself. I think we are much harder on ourselves than we are others, and far slower to forgive ourselves when we make mistakes. The next step? Ask your Heavenly Father to forgive you. He will, you know. 🙂

    After you do these things, everything will become more clear. You’ll know what you need to do. Or what not to do.

    Peace.

  • Beth Bo.

    I’ve been listening to the song Ruins by Bebo Norman and I’ve been thinking about the question you threw out there and then listening to the song tonight and I just thought it might encourage you in some way.

    Laying flat upon my back,
    All the world in motion
    Everything goes by so fast
    I feel like I’m frozen

    After all is said and done
    Did I fail to mention
    Everything I haven’t done
    All my good intentions

    This is my holy hour, this is my world on fire
    This is my desperate play, this is where I am saved

    I’ve no fear of height or depth
    I’ve no fear of crashing
    The single thing I fear the most
    Simply feeling nothing

    This is my holy hour, this is my world on fire
    This is my desperate play, this is where I am made
    This is my kingdom come, this is my freedom song
    This is my helpless state, this is where I am saved

    Let my ruins become the ground you build upon
    Let my ruins become the start
    Let my ruins become the ground you build it on
    From what’s left of my broken heart

    This is my holy hour, this is my world on fire
    This is my desperate play, this is where I am made
    This is my kingdom come, this is my freedom song
    This is my helpless state, this is where I am saved

    You know, this morning I crossed the street to go to a bakery and I passed in front of these shacks that are set up right beside an open sewer that is full of black, nasty crap. Every day they sit in front of their little shacks looking at/smelling the black nasty crap and they don’t do anything about it…maybe they’ve been sitting in front of it so long it doesn’t phase them any more. Anyway, I think God gave me a picture of how sometimes that is me…sitting in front of a sewer full of sin and I don’t even recognize it for what it is. I prayed this morning that God would help me to see the sewer for what it is. Unfortunately, the revelation of that sewer often comes in ways that are unpleasant (not surprising since it is sin). It sounds like this was one of those sewer revealing moments and it sucks! But God can build upon our ruins. Will it be easy? Not necessarily. It might mean having to go back and confess to what you’ve done which is definitely not going to be easy. But you are loved by a God who longs to relate to you in a place with a beautiful view and because he loves you so much he showed you something that was marring the view. May God give you the courage and wisdom you need to make it right.

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