Friday’s Coming

First let me say that I know that things can always get worse.  I know, I know, I know.  So if you’re going to even THINK of saying that one of us could have some life-threatening disease then please hit your back button immediately.

In the past few weeks, I’ve learned that I shouldn’t voice negativity and worry.  And, I shouldn’t say things to my husband that cause him to feel that he’s not being a good provider for our family.  This is putting me in a very quiet place.

When the house payment is due in 2 days and all appearances show that we’ll be about $1000 short of making a full payment, it’s pretty tough.  Jeff knows that it’s coming.  He’s quiet, too.  He had mentioned that we might go to his grandparents for a loan.  Last week his grandmother hit bottom and is being transitioned into some level of care facility.  The timing to go begging for money is not now.  So, we’re stuck.  Stuck here with not enough money and living on as little as we can.  There are no more places to look for money.

Try as hard as I might, the worry is not leaving me.  I really like my house.  I like that we built it together.  We picked everything out from each color of paint to the lights to the cabinets.  I DO NOT want to lose my house.

So what does that mean?  Especially when it can be seen as my fault.  I was the one with the steady, decent-paying job and good health insurance and I gave it up.  I love, love, love working for my church.  I can’t even fathom not doing what I’m doing now.  But, if we ended up saying goodbye to our home, will I have to deal with the knowledge and guilt that I could have done something about it forever?

I like to think that since this house sits on land that my grandfather bought for us–right beside my parents and right in front of my grandparents–that they would do something to help us if it came down to losing us and us losing this house.  But I can’t really say with any sort of certainty that they would actually be able to save us.  It’s a lot to ask of someone, even when they love you as much as my family loves me.

These days I’m not quite sure if I want to cry or scream.  I know that neither helps much.

I only want the best for everyone in my life, but it’s starting to feel like no matter which direction I go I’ll have to let someone down.

The only thing I know for sure right now is that Friday’s coming.  And it hurts.

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6 responses to “Friday’s Coming

  • Beth

    Mandi,
    I’m glad to come back and read the comments and see that the mortgage company is willing to work with you. I was praying for you. I’m sure that it is a tough, tough place to be especially knowing the fact that you are living so close to your family and knowing what a special place that is. Continuing to pray for you!

  • Whitney

    Oh girl, I COMPLETELY understand this one. We actually just sold our house, the one on the lovely 2 acres of beautiful trees, the one we custom built and picked everything out for. Why? To downsize our debt. 😦 It was the hardest, and yet most liberating, thing we’ve ever done. In this market, we listed on a Friday, showed the next Monday, and had an offer that evening. Amazing. Confirmation for us that the reasons we’re doing this (to better honor God with our finances) are solid.
    It’s soooo hard though, to look at other houses (like we did yesterday), and NOT compare them to what we have now. I came home from “house hunting”, and literally felt like I could finally breathe once I got back into “my” house… soon to be “someone else’s”.
    *sigh*
    Being a grown-up really is hard sometimes.

    • mindofmandi

      It really is. We had a small ray of sunshine today. I called the mortgage company to discuss our options and we’re going to be applying for a temporary financial hardship deferment–kind of like with a student loan, but a reduced payment instead of none at all. It will all pend our qualifying, but I feel like it could be what we need to get over this hump.

  • littlemissbuffett

    Praying for you tonight…..

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