because we just had to make a very difficult decision. We have decided not to do Christmas this year. Of course we’re still going to put up all our decorations and celebrate with family members, but we aren’t going to buy any gifts except for those who wouldn’t understand if we didn’t. The reasoning is that our (undisclosed amount) of bills that can’t be paid are of higher priority than loading ourselves and others up with stuff this year. It is a very sensible and logical thing to do and I WILL be fine with it, but it’s pretty much my favorite thing to do ALL YEAR. I love Christmas and if I said it wasn’t an incredible tough decision to make I’d be lying. But seriously, Carter was too young last year to remember Christmas and he won’t ask us for anything or cry if the tree isn’t full of gifts. Believe me, his grandparents and great-grandparents will make sure that he’s well taken care of in the gift area.
I can live with that. It’s just a little tough to get past the feeling that we’re losers. I’m 32 years old and I don’t like that my parents have to pay when we go out to eat or that I’ll be relying on anyone else to do wonderful things for my child in place of me. I can recognize that it’s silly to think that, but I haven’t quite gotten past it yet.
I’m so thankful that we’ll have a year that we’ll really concentrate on making memories WITHOUT money. We’ll bake cookies. We’ll decorate the tree. We’ll sing songs. We’ll drive and look at houses decked out with lights. We’ll go to parties. We’ll serve others in any way we can. We’ll all be together and we’ll be full of love for each other. And, though I can’t promise that I won’t think about it, I can promise that I will BE OK without this part of Christmas. In fact, with a new focus, it may just end up being the best thing that’s happened to us!