I know that every mother wants the best for their child. Every mother wants to fill their child’s mind with vidid experiences that fill them with a sense of wonder for the world around them. Every mother wants to see their child grow to be happy, secure, intelligent and confident. As I watch you grow, I think about these things.
There are days I am filled with such regret and frustration that we aren’t financially able to take you places and allow you to experience things that would be fun for you. Some speak to me like it’s a sin that you haven’t been on a vacation or to the beach since your birth. For that, I’m sorry. Those things ARE fun to do together and I’m sure that we’ll be able to do them one day. But, I know that your 21 months have been filled with more love than your little body and heart can contain. You are surrounded by people who love you. And, new people that come into our lives grow to love you almost immediately. Your smile and your sweet words ooze your precious personality. I don’t regret for a minute that I’ve held you back from words, shows, experiences that I believe would cause your mind to try to understand things that are inappropriate for your developing mind. I count it an honor that I’ve been called to make those decisions on your behalf. I pray everyday that when it’s your turn to decide for yourself how to fill your days and hours, that you will also filter out those things that are not worthing of allowing into your thoughts, memories and understanding.
It’s so true that your little mind is like a sponge right now. I can’t even keep up with the words that you’re learning each day! These months of “language explosion” have been so fun to watch. You’re putting words together to communicate what’s going on in your head. My favorite and most surprising experience happened last week. You went to your room and got your shoes out of your dresser drawer. You wanted to go outside and knew that in order to go out you must have on shoes (though you were still wearing your pajamas!). You sat on the floor with your shoes and put the right shoe on the left foot. As soon as you got it on, you said, ” Wrong foot!” and fixed your mistake. I couldn’t believe it! Where did that handy phrase come from? And, you’re learning some tricks of the trade as well. Whenever you want something badly, you always throw a sweet little “Peese” (please) in there. You know it works on me every time. And, I feel like such a proud mother when you say “Tank OO” (Thank you) without being asked. I wonder if you’re beginning to understand what it really means to BE thankful?
Thankfully, as you’re beginning to understand more and more about how the world works and as you’re able to express yourself more, your fit throwing is lessening. Don’t get me wrong, you still like to show me when you’re unhappy when something doesn’t go your way. I don’t expect it to leave completely anytime soon, but if you have other plans I’m willing to go along with them. 🙂 If one day you wonder about why I always leave the room or walk away when you’re kicking and screaming, I want you to know that I’m doing it out of love and a desire to teach you better things. Though my first instinct is to comfort you and make you happy by giving you everything you want, I know that’s not always best. I so want for you to NOT get a reaction out of me and then be forced to go to another place in your mind where you’ll have to come up with another way to show me what you need. I need you to search for the words and find new actions. I believe you’ll do it because I think you are the smartest, sweetest and most special little boy there ever was! You make me so proud.
I love you.