Tears from Out of Nowhere

I haven’t worked as a teacher for a year and 3 months now.  The last school I taught at was a pretty small one in Greer and I was so close to everyone that I worked with.  I considered those people not just acquaintances, but real friends.  We hung out outside of work and were always planning fun things to do while we were at work.  When I walked out the door for good on Jan. 4, I just knew I’d stay close with them until I was able to return to teaching there.  But, that didn’t happen.  It didn’t come close to happening.  In fact, I haven’t heard from a single person since I left.  That’s including my teaching assistant, who I met at Curves, got a job at the first school I taught at (not with me at that time) and who followed me to the second school to be able to work with me even though she’d have to drive 40 minutes each way from Easley.  We were like sisters.  We went through every day with the kids and leaned on each other for emotional support.  We were together through tough family issues, illnesses, my miscarriages and pregnancy.  We talked constantly and them BAM. Stop.

I still have my school district email login and I haven’t checked the account much unless I was trying to communicate with someone from the district, and even then I only read the email that I needed to.  I’m also still on the group list from my school, so whenever someone sends an email to “(250) All Staff” I get it.  This week I’ve been working on getting my 403(b) retirement funds transferred so that Jeff can manage them for me and turn it into some real money, requiring me to send some emails through this account.  Just a few minutes ago I started reading all the recent emails from my old friends to the group.  Reading them started me crying almost immediately.  I guess I’d pushed it down and tried to forget about it, but when I found that spot in my memory again it really hurt.  It hurt to see that they had just gone on and forgotten about me.  Out of sight.  Out of mind.  I’m telling myself that I shouldn’t care, but really I do.  I wanted to be more important to them than I was.

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