It is a known fact that I am an introvert. I don’t make friends easily and I don’t spill my life story on a whim to a stranger–unless you count this blog, of course. I spent the first year (nearly) of Carter’s life confined mostly to the walls of this house. We were broke and I was pretty depressed. I thought I was coping just fine until I can look back now with the clarity that experience brings and see that I was depressed. I didn’t talk to anyone except family on a very vanilla level. My former “friends” from work turned out to be friends that have to see you on a regular basis to be friends with you and I was alone.
I looked back and thought back about some posts from the beginning of this blog and I realized how tough it was for me to get out there and actually interact with people. Today on the way home from Target I did a little check up on my current mental status and I felt so peaceful, happy and fulfilled. I love my family, I feel safe, I feel needed and I have friends. Don’t get me wrong, I still don’t open up much, but it’s really not about me. Being there to listen to other people makes me feel useful on a higher level than cooking, cleaning and playing. Each week since Carter has been about 11 months old I’ve gone to a playgroup on Wednesday mornings with a group of women who have become an incredibly important part of my life. It’s a part I didn’t realize was missing until it was filled. What a difference! Just taking a few hours a week to be around people who are going through very similar struggles in life makes me feel so connected. Recently we started meeting every other Thursday evening for coffee after we put our kids to bed and it’s been so much fun! Without our kids, our silly, wild, funny, unabashed sides come out and I return home with my face hurting from smiling so much.
Thanks Melissa, Brooke, Charity, Christine, Natalia and Clara! I don’t think any of you read this and I’ll probably never say it in person, but there it is anyway.